permanent custody?

[mssweetie24]

I am going through this right now with my nephew. I have had him for almost 11 months and had to go to court this past Wednesday for a hearing for permanent custody the mother showed up saying she didnt want me to have him. But here is the thing I have 3 of her children we adopted my neice that her and my brother n law left with us since she was 12 days old and she is 19 1/2 months old now. I have had my nephew as long as I have had her off and on but continuesly since last june 1st. This past January her oldest daughter (who is 11 looks 15 or 16 and acts like she is in her 20's) was placed in our home she is no relation to us but that she she is the sister to the babies, so my husband and I decided to take her in because she was placed in a foster home. She hates it here she wants to go home to the mother and the grandmother who had her placed there in the first place. The parents keep getting put in jail and are on drugs. She does not like rules at all but I am not going to allow her to do things that I do not allow the others to do. She basically told me she is only staying here because she has no where else to go that she doesnt care whether anyone likes her or not.I believe the only reason the mother doesnt want to try and get her because she knows she cant deal with her. I go back to court the 30th for the judge to review the case and make a decision. My nephew doesnt even no the mother or my brother n law. They have only seen him 1 times since I have had him. And he didnt even know them. I am wondering if anyone here has had to go through this with a family member?

[bupbup74]

I've never gone through that myself, but I can understand how hard it must be for you. I will keep you in my prayers!

[dg10148]

wish I could help I will keep you in my prayers

[mona1949]

Originally Posted by mssweetie24

I am going through this right now with my nephew. I have had him for almost 11 months and had to go to court this past Wednesday for a hearing for permanent custody the mother showed up saying she didn't want me to have him. But here is the thing I have 3 of her children we adopted my niece that her and my brother n law left with us since she was 12 days old and she is 19 1/2 months old now. I have had my nephew as long as I have had her off and on but continuously since last june 1st. This past January her oldest daughter (who is 11 looks 15 or 16 and acts like she is in her 20's) was placed in our home she is no relation to us but that she she is the sister to the babies, so my husband and I decided to take her in because she was placed in a foster home. She hates it here she wants to go home to the mother and the grandmother who had her placed there in the first place. The parents keep getting put in jail and are on drugs. She does not like rules at all but I am not going to allow her to do things that I do not allow the others to do. She basically told me she is only staying here because she has no where else to go that she doesn't care whether anyone likes her or not.I believe the only reason the mother doesn't want to try and get her because she knows she cant deal with her. I go back to court the 30th for the judge to review the case and make a decision. My nephew doesn't even no the mother or my brother n law. They have only seen him 1 times since I have had him. And he didn't even know them. I am wondering if anyone here has had to go through this with a family member?

I came from a family of eight. The oldest is 60 and the youngest is 46. My youngest sister had a little girl when she was 20 and I had her the first day she came home from the hospital. My sister would let me have Ericka every weekend and I loved her like she was my own. When Ericka turned 3 my sister moved to Texas with some guy she met. It broke my heart and I couldn't even bear to see them off. They then moved to California and we received a phone call when Ericka was 5 and we offered to pay the airfare to bring Ericka back to Iowa. Enrolled her in school with the other kids and then five months later my sister shows up with her friend and they take Ericka. There was nothing that we could do. I was devastated. Two years later my sister asked me to take Ericka as she wasn't able to care for her both financially or mentally. We went to an attorney and had papers drawn up. Over the next 15 years my sister was in and out of prison with her drug habit and writing bad checks. My mother would want me to take Ericka to prison to visit her mother but I wouldn't do it. All Ericka wanted was her own family. To make a long story short my sister is drug free and Ericka and her have a really good relationship. What turned my sister around was when she found Jesus. I now have a relationship with my sister. But to be honest when all the drug stuff was going on I wanted nothing to do with her. It was so hard for me to understand why my sister just couldn't stop taking drugs. I know what you are going through is hard but in the end you have to turn to a greater power and turn it over to him.
There are so many free resources that might be able to help you. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts, God Bless.

[elizw]

sounds incredibly stressful and heartbreaking. i wish you the best and hope all works out.

[Amanda]

I can't offer any help or advice (other than what I've seen on Dr. Phil! , but I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. That is a tough situation. I hope that someday the 15 year old realizes what love and compassion you are showing her.
Stay strong!!

[mssweetie24]

I left out my nephew is going to be 3 years old this coming July and I have had him since he was 14 months old. My brother n law told the lawyer who represented him that he was ok with us getting permanent custody of his son. But the mother showed up saying she wanted him. She wouldn't do none of the requirements that the social service required for her or my brother n law to get my nephew. She is not with my brother n law right now but that doesnt mean she wont be because she runs back and forth between him and another person. My nephew has been through alot I would have to go and pick him up from where I would get a call from the police department from another county because my brother n law would get arrested and the mother didnt have custody of the son. They both are unfit to raise this child. The mother has had 5 kids and has given all of them away. There are 2 more kids out there being raised by other people. I appreciate all the prayers and thoughts.

[k_anncookies]

Wow, all i can say is GOD bless you and your husband for taking in all these innocent children. You are so special to open your home to them. My heart goes out to you during this tough time. I wish you the best and I really hope that the legal system truly will consider the children's best interest. It sounds like they will truly have the best life with you. And its' great that you are keeping them all together.

I was 16 when i had my oldest daughter, who is now 10. I was young and made some not so good decisions, but was smart enough to move on from her father when she was only 3. I tried to keep them in contact, but he wasn't interested...She remembers him, and hangs on to every thing she can, even though he is a deadbeat and only calls her twice a year (birthday & christmas). We do live 4000 miles away, but i honostly don't think it would matter if we lived across the street. he has no interest in her, but she clings to the title "dad" and i just don't understand why. She calls my husband now daddy and he treats her as if she were his own, and he has since the day i met him (gotta love my man!) She loves my husband and he has been her true daddy in her heart, But there is just something that makes her always hang on to her biological father.....and i wish she woudl just let him go.

I think children don't understand the bad things that can happen in life, and they really take the title mommy and daddy to heart....i just wish those people who bring children into the world would take their responsibilites a little less lightly?! Babies are a precious gift!

I wish you all the best and you will be in my prayers!

[sokyere]

I really do admire you for taking the children in. I don't know a lot of people who will do that. God bless you for your love and patience. Will keep you in my prayers!

[mssweetie24]

The 11 year old that I have in my home she is all the time on the phone begging to the mother to come and see her, but she never does. The day I went to court for her the judge had ask if any of her family put in a request for her and the social service had said no one did your honor. We were the only ones and we were not kin to her. If she leaves here she will have to go back to a foster home or to a place called ramey home. It is a rough place to be in front what I gather. I am having a difficult time with her most of the time. She has been expose to alot of things that most 11 years old are not normally expose to. I treat her as one of my own because we have 2 boys of our own and so now I have 5 kids lol..I know she thinks I pick on her at times because she gets grounded but I am not going to allow her to do things that I do not allow my own to do. She has learned to use people. I have spoken with the dad (who had just recently gotten out of jail) about Kayla he had ask how and what she has been doing so I told him some of things He said she has always been stubborn and hard to handle. I am like sir you are not telling me nothing I dont already know. I am now at a point I just dont have a clue as to what to do about her. She hates it here and wants to be with her family and I can understand that but right now we are all she has. When she first came here I went and spent alot of money on clothes for her clothes that she helped pick out so she would have nice clothes to wear to school. These were named brand clothes as well. well 2 weeks later she came and told me she wanted all new clothes because she didnt like them. It floored me but I got over that real quick and let her know I would not tolerate a child in my home acting like a spoiled brat and that if she didnt want them gather them up and I will give them who would appreciate them that she can wear what she came with. But no child in my home was going to act like that...She refused to ride the school bus said only scanky people rode the bus, I had said my sons rides the bus she said well they are scanky.. I told her she will get to be scanky right with them because her butt's going on that school bus....My boys are 15 and 18 my oldest is getting ready to graduate. So I have a very wide range of children they go from 18, 15, 11, 2 1/2, and 19 1/2 month old. Some times it gets over whelming to say the least lol